Monday, July 23, 2018

Am I going HOME or am I going home?

As I’m sitting in this chair, awaiting the results of the ekg and blood work, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve got something seriously wrong inside me. I also instantly think about my family and what kind of position I would be leaving them in if I never made it out. I hate to think like that but right now they are going through my mind constantly!

I haven’t exactly lived the most healthy lifestyle. I spent many years partying and staying out late while doing drugs and drinking and that could possibly have attributed to this now I think. It’s easy to look back now and see all the stress I’ve put on my body and yet back then my mentality was...”I’m going to die of something someday so I might as well go while doing something I love to do”. I’ve heard many people say things like that and at this very moment that doesn’t help nor apply to me.

I’m currently thinking that I’m certainly not ready to go yet. Yea I know, life isn’t on my timetable and I wholeheartedly agree but it still doesn’t get any easier when you’re going through something with your health that you’re not use to or you don’t know the extent. Were I to leave today I firmly believe that I would be with my Savior but leaving my family isn’t something I’m prepared to deal with right at this moment and I’m sure they aren’t ready either. I know they would also understand that I would be with Him as well but I’m sure it would devastate them. 

I have gone through the past few years somewhat ignoring issues with my body simply because I don’t want to sound like I’m a big baby. I have had numerous back and neck issues as well as dealing with periodic ankle and knee issues but for the most part you can live with those even though there may be some pain and discomfort. The heart, however, you can’t live without. If something stops working with the heart then you stop working. It’s a scary thought when you really think about it. The heart is relatively small compared to your whole body and yet it, and the brain, have the most responsiblility in your body and can determine your life if either one of them shut down or stop working. So, sitting here waiting for results doesn't make me feel any better.

The funny thing is that anxiety can cause some of the same results or experiences that a heart issue can and you could be worrying for no reason. The body is so fascinating and it is a Godly designed wonder that never stops amazing me. 

However these things end up for me are certainly up to the One that created everything. All I can do is live this life in a way that would honor and glorify Him though I fail at that miserably. 

Have you done all you can today to effect someone else’s tomorrow? Have you been able to show the people that you love how much you indeed love them and not just with words? Have you passed on chances to impact someone that you’ve been around because you don’t feel like you have time? Well, you may not have tomorrow so take the time today to make a difference in someone’s life! What better legacy could you possibly leave than being known as one that took their time that you were given in order to help someone else and possibly change their life for their future?!

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