Am I going HOME or am I going home?

As I’m sitting in this chair, awaiting the results of the ekg and blood work, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve got something seriously wrong inside me. I also instantly think about my family and what kind of position I would be leaving them in if I never made it out. I hate to think like that but right now they are going through my mind constantly!

I haven’t exactly lived the most healthy lifestyle. I spent many years partying and staying out late while doing drugs and drinking and that could possibly have attributed to this now I think. It’s easy to look back now and see all the stress I’ve put on my body and yet back then my mentality was...”I’m going to die of something someday so I might as well go while doing something I love to do”. I’ve heard many people say things like that and at this very moment that doesn’t help nor apply to me.

I’m currently thinking that I’m certainly not ready to go yet. Yea I know, life isn’t on my timetable and I wholeheartedly agree but it still doesn’t get any easier when you’re going through something with your health that you’re not use to or you don’t know the extent. Were I to leave today I firmly believe that I would be with my Savior but leaving my family isn’t something I’m prepared to deal with right at this moment and I’m sure they aren’t ready either. I know they would also understand that I would be with Him as well but I’m sure it would devastate them. 

I have gone through the past few years somewhat ignoring issues with my body simply because I don’t want to sound like I’m a big baby. I have had numerous back and neck issues as well as dealing with periodic ankle and knee issues but for the most part you can live with those even though there may be some pain and discomfort. The heart, however, you can’t live without. If something stops working with the heart then you stop working. It’s a scary thought when you really think about it. The heart is relatively small compared to your whole body and yet it, and the brain, have the most responsiblility in your body and can determine your life if either one of them shut down or stop working. So, sitting here waiting for results doesn't make me feel any better.

The funny thing is that anxiety can cause some of the same results or experiences that a heart issue can and you could be worrying for no reason. The body is so fascinating and it is a Godly designed wonder that never stops amazing me. 

However these things end up for me are certainly up to the One that created everything. All I can do is live this life in a way that would honor and glorify Him though I fail at that miserably. 

Have you done all you can today to effect someone else’s tomorrow? Have you been able to show the people that you love how much you indeed love them and not just with words? Have you passed on chances to impact someone that you’ve been around because you don’t feel like you have time? Well, you may not have tomorrow so take the time today to make a difference in someone’s life! What better legacy could you possibly leave than being known as one that took their time that you were given in order to help someone else and possibly change their life for their future?!

Do you seem to be drowning?

When I was a young kid of about 6 or so I was playing in a lake with my cousins. We were floating a board back and forth across the water when the board ended up floating past me near a part of the lake that was near some over hanging trees. I went to go get it and stepped off into a hole or something and went under. The problem was, at the time, I couldn’t swim and started bobbing up and down in the water. I was doing all I could do to reach up and grab the branches of the shrubs and trees that were there but, from the best of my memory, I could grab the ends but they were so flimsy that I couldn’t get a good enough grip to pull myself out. All of a sudden a guy came swimming towards me and pulled me out and to the shore of the lake. I don’t remember much else about that particular day other than it took me a while to be comfortable going back near the water. It freaked me out so much, I guess, that it took me until I was around 10 or 12 before I actually learned how to swim.

Why am I telling you this story?.. You might ask. 

Have you ever jumped into the deep end of something and ended up feeling like you were drowning?

Often times, in life, we tend to be in such a hurry to do something that we want to do that we just jump off into the deep end when we don’t know how to swim. When you do that you end up drowning. When you drown and stuggle then you end up developing a fear. When you develop a fear then usually you never want to get out of your comfort zone again and try something different. 

Let me be clear, I have no problem with you wanting to try new things and take risks because the most successful people take risks. What I am talking about is jumping off into the deep end without being prepared and ready. Often times we make moves when we haven’t prepared enough or at all. Sometimes when you prematurely jump off into something then you end up struggling worse than you might’ve if you would have prepared first.

What am I suggesting? I am suggesting that it’s okay to start off in the shallow end first! It’s okay to wade in the shallow waters first until you get use to being wet. It’s okay to try and practice swimming before you decide to jump off into the deep end. It’s okay to stay in the shallow end a little longer until you have perfected your technique. 

Certainly it may take you a little longer to learn than someone else. And sure, you may see someone else doing what you want to do and you want to rush your training and practice but if you don’t feel ready don’t go into the deep end yet. Yes, you might be able to make it for a while but you might make it for the long term if you just stayed in the shallow end just a little bit longer. There’s no rush, especially if you haven’t developed the skill you feel you need. 

If you jumped off into something too soon or if you fell off into the deep end when you didn’t know how to swim don’t let that fear that you develop dictate the rest of your life! Much like me almost drowning gave me a fear of water for a while, failing at something that you may not have been ready for can give you the fear of not trying it again or doing something new. If you indeed have a fear because you failed at something just try and understand that at least you tried. Remember, you will never know what you can or can’t do unless you give it a try. 

The moral of this post is don’t let fear be the reason to not do something... you may just need a little more training and practice before you jump off into the deep end!